Friday, December 28, 2007

drink it down to overflowing

I'm selfish and I'm lying and all I want is to scream until my lungs give out or you give in. All I want is something to tie myself onto. The floor's shifting and my head's spinning so I reach for something to drink. 
I want to feel hollow and perfect.

Monday, November 26, 2007

and the more I care, the less I do

Just found out I wrote twice as much as I should have. Now I have to call, a voice and no face, no way to see thoughts. The switchboard operator drawled like molasses crossed with Mountain Dew,
call back around ten, she said. Give or take the two hours to the midwest, I'll be in class.  I want this like I can't even think about not getting it. I twitch and smile and lie, but I want it like I'd bankrupt myself without a second thought.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

new place to spill (overflow from applications)

About me: I am seventeen years old. I'm not a saint and I don't want to be a small town hero. My grandfather never gave a man a loan out of his own pocket 'cause the bank he managed wouldn't supply it. My literary heros are antiheros. My family is big, if you count the steps. We're not poor and we're not rich and we're not able to finance my education. If I understood money, maybe I would understand why. I put off opening important emails and letters as long as possible. I'm from the midwest and I'm never going to be able to causually-elegantly-appropriately boast. 
Activities: I like to waste my time on front porches. I hate introducing myself, and can't commit to anything. I like writing things down I'd never tell anyone face to face. I drink coffee and make money. There is a woman with broken temples and bent glasses who calls me Miss S-Angel-Sweetie when I top off her coffee. Her hand shook so hard today when she signed her recipt, I nearly cried. She wants a brass band to play at the party we'll have when she leaves this earth, and everyone will get a treasure from her house according to real name and real age and relations.
Essay: Option One: Please describe your formal education to date, weigh its pros and cons, list your reasons for wishing to attend University College, and provide an accurate picture of what an amazing, unique and deserving individual you are. . Please reference one or more of the following: a famous philosopher, a renowned literary work, a dead poet, contemporary politics, The Great Gatsby. Don't forget to be literate, concise, complete, witty, moving, sincere, and perfect.